Germany? Nope.

Our Four-Month-Old…

2009-07-18T11:38:00.004-04:00

…smiles for mommy and daddy. And any other person that smiles at her.

…still loves her Mr. Sunshine toy, even if he’s mute. Again.

…but thinks the most fascinating toys in the world are leaves on trees overhead and mommy or daddy’s hands. Hair is pretty fascinating too—on mom’s head or dad’s chest.

…is also obsessed with fabrics: feeling, holding, scrunching, tasting. We have video evidence of her tasting all stuffed animals handed to her, but blankets, burp cloths, cloth carriers, and mom’s shirts are also fair game.

…loves her cloth books (Who Do You See, Fuzzy Bee, and the monkey book from Cousin Paige) and, when she’s in the mood, her board book Brown Bear, Brown Bear. But appears more interested in figuring out how to turn the pages than the stories.

…still barely tolerates tummy time, but enjoys lying on her side and being held upright.

…can sit in a Bumpo chair, but would rather sit forward on mom’s lap or on the floor between mom’s legs.

…is getting bored with the floor activity gym and moans while on it. Or maybe she’s just moaning because she wants your attention since it’s her only solo-time activity.

…and yet she hasn’t figured out she can wiggle to a new toy when she gets bored.

…moans, coos, shrieks, ehs, ahs, and sometimes babbles, too. But doesn’t babble nearly as much as she did after spending a week with Grandma Marianne—I don’t know what they would talk about but Cate loved all that talking they did together.

…is quietly observant in any new situation, but will talk about it endlessly when we get home.

…is clearly happy when in her Nook. It will even calm her down during a crying fit. Dad calls it “her happy place.”

…is transitioning from cat-napping every 3–4 hours during the day, to taking longer naps in the morning and afternoon. But still naps in the bouncy chair. And still tolerates the swing for no more than ½-hour–1½-hours per week. Yes, week.

…will hold and explore your fingers while bottle-feeding. Although sometimes she’ll hold the bottle instead.

…will hold an object with both hands and is just beginning to pass a toy from one hand to the other. She also reaches out for toys and other objects she sees.

…watches objects that move in front of her from flying birds, to speeding cars, to fish at the pet store.

…has the fastest growing nails on the planet. Seriously, someone please alert the record books.

…is loved more than she can possibly imagine.

Update

2009-03-12T13:28:00.002-04:00

Oh for the love! What a day it's been.

Doc declared the Peanut ginormous and said if she's over 9 lbs we need to seriously consider scheduling a c-section. Plus I still have no change in dilation/effacement. I spiraled into complete upset and couldn't initially figure out why—I came to the conclusion that a) it was not what I envisioned, b) I didn't like healing from the bikini-line scar of the ovarian cyst and didn't want to do that again while dealing with a new Peanut, and c) I was feeling massive guilt for gaining so much more than the “recommended” weight gain—the What to Expect book repeats over and over again this is the cause of large babies leading to c-section (reading that at 3 am was probably not helpful).

Scheduled sonogram this morning revealed:

· She's guestimated at around 7 1/2 lbs (give or take a pound she's still less than the c-section discussion). WOO HOO!

· She looks JUST LIKE Tim – especially in her mouth/chin! Even I can see it, and I never see that kind of thing. (I will try to get a moment with the scanner here at work to get the pics up.)

· She's practicing breathing.

· We also saw her grab the umbilical cord with one hand.

· The other hand stayed solidly by her face the whole time.

· Not only does she look like Tim but she also has fuzzy hair in all the same places Tim has (and doesn't have) hair. I will now tease him mercilessly about this.

· She is clearly, no doubt about it, a girl.

· And her heart has four beautiful (and clear like a textbook) chambers, and her bladder is full (because her kidneys are working), and all the rest is perfectly wonderful too.

· Oh…and the fact that they could get such wonderful pictures of her face means the doc is right and she is still NOT at all engaged.

And so I went from practically inconsolable (and unable to sleep and clearly overreacting) to bubbly and bouncy in the span of 12 hours—poor Tim.

Express Childbirth?

2009-01-30T14:53:00.004-05:00

Tomorrow Tim and I will be attending a hospital-sponsored class entitled, “Childbirth Express.”

Wouldn’t it be lovely if that meant how-to-birth-a-child-expressly, instead of six-hour-crash-course-in-childbirth-because-your-husband’s-MBA-classes-conflict-with-regular-weekly-childbirth-classes?

I could get behind Express Birthing. It sounds like a good idea from where I’m sitting.

Peas?

2009-01-23T10:27:00.002-05:00

Tim’s favorite vegetable in the world is peas. My feelings on peas are more in line with this guy’s.

I wonder what the Peanut will think of them…

Where Were You?

2009-01-21T07:00:00.003-05:00

January 20, 2009. I was working from home. You should have seen the line of cars just outside our condo starting at 3:30 in morning! I didn’t. But Tim kept getting up hourly to report to me the lines of cars and then of people outside the metro. I’m glad I didn’t try to fight my way to work through any traffic; I enjoyed a quiet day at home, typesetting a project for work while watching the coverage on TV.

During the Watergate Hearings, I was a brand-new infant while my mom watched the coverage on TV. The no-name Peanut was still in my innards for this historic event. And Tim was there to help me capture it on film:

I Have a Proclivity for Dropping Stuff.

2009-01-16T12:06:00.009-05:00

I recently read a childproofing article that seemed over-the-top for our immediate newborn needs. I’m not so worried about a burrito-bundled Peanut sticking anything into an outlet just yet, nor do I feel the need to cover all sharp furniture edges and corners with bumpers or safety padding. But this one stuck out: put a thick rug or carpet below the changing table. As the Computer Nook becomes the Baby Nook we will need to do something about the ceramic tile under the desk-about-to-become-a-changing-table.

Instead of feeling overwhelmed by yet another item we still need (surprisingly), I’m actually enjoying window shopping the web.

Is this not adorable and in-theme? But, dear Target, what size is he?

This, on the other hand, I know is perfectly sized for our tile space. I wish web-view colors were true-to-life so I could see how well it matches my beloved animal prints.

Please, just don’t remind Tim that the area in question was once carpeted and it was my idea—after dropping bleach—to engage in the nightmare tile installation in front of the washer and dryer where I’m now about put an area rug. Thanks.

Peanut’s Too Kooky.

2009-01-14T23:04:00.004-05:00

I’ve found something even more difficult than daycare decisioning.

Names.

Ugh. Why can’t she just tell us what her name is? Or like a Cabbage Patch doll, why can’t she just come with a pre-filled-in birth certificate? I was one of those rare girls that did not just immediately rename the doll; I faithfully used the name he or she came with. (That’s right, I had a male Cabbage Patch doll—can’t remember his name though…)

Tim likes very traditional, old-school names: nothing kooky or ethnic (unless of course it’s Irish). A lot of names that fit that criteria sound very “convent” to me. Although, as some friends recently pointed out, sounding “convent” is better than sounding “stripper.” My goal is to find a name that lands somewhere between the habit and the pole.

My personal criteria for a name are 1) nothing too popular and 2) nick-name-able. If you Google me with my maiden name I really am unique (even without my middle name!). If you Google my married name, not so much. I liked being the only me out there. I was always glad I wasn’t one of the Jen S, Jen D, Jen Fs of my youth who needed their last initial to differentiate themselves from all the others. On the other hand, until high-school I didn’t have a shortened/nick-named version of my name. I don’t know why that happened, but I was always Renée. My brother and sisters all had single-syllable variants of their names, but not me. It wasn’t until move-in day in college when my new roommate overheard my Kid sister call me “Ren” that anyone outside my immediate family started using it. I was thrilled! I don’t know what the Peanut will prefer—a full name or a nick-name—but I really want her to have the option.

So our collective name criteria:
• Traditional, somewhat old-school
• Not overly kooky or ethnic
• Not overly popular
• Nick-name-able
• Somewhere between nun’s habit and stripper’s pole

Yeah. We’ve got nothin’.

At this point they’re going to hand me the paperwork in the hospital and the next thing you know “Peanut” will be on her birth certificate and social security card. Assuming they even let us take her home, we still don’t have the mandated-by-law car seat.

Baby Nook Décor

2009-01-09T10:09:00.010-05:00

I’ve completed registering at Babies R Us. As I said before I only registered for practical items (with maybe one frivolously expensive swing because I’m not getting a full set of nursery furniture or a big travel system AND I'm a sucker for demo videos on the interwebs, so what the heck). Even the items I’ve listed on this blog (over there in the right column under “Wish List”) are practicalities; they’re just not available at Babies R Us or any other brick and mortar location. I’ve also registered at only one store because I didn’t see the need to register at multiple locations for all practical items. But the practicality of the registry—and its lack of a nursery set of blankets and bumpers and diaper caddies—has prompted some friends to ask if I have a “theme” or a décor in mind. And even though I only really have the computer nook to babify, I realized I do have a décor in mind.

I am in love with these prints found on Etsy (though I have yet to buy them):

And I think this peal and stick (read: non-permanent) border is fun too:

Plus, what is a farm without a frog on a pond to light your way:

Or should a pig do the lighting instead:

And then the frog could hold some toys and books:

I just can’t bring myself to purchase these items until I have the more necessary items—like the car seat you can’t leave the hospital without! Or maybe an actual sleeping place for the Peanut. But I’ll get there. I still have 9 weeks, right?

Day Care: Here or There?

2009-01-07T09:00:00.006-05:00

The current plan includes returning to work after a 12-week maternity leave. Since Tim also works, that means we need infant daycare. I’m finding this is not an easy thing to choose. To start with, I can’t even decide what location I should look in: home-zone or work-zone. We’re talking two different states, 20+ miles between zones, and a car commute of 45 minutes–1 hour, 15 minutes depending on the time of day. To help make the decision I’m compiling a list of Pros for each zone. In doing so I noticed I gave some items more weight in my head than others and ultimately I gave each item a rank of 1–3, 3 being very important to me. So far the home-zone is in the lead. But I’m open to other Pros/Cons someone may think of as I continue to decide.

CLOSE TO WORK:
3: Potential to visit/breast feed during lunch hour
2: Quickly accessible in an emergency
1: Can stay at work longer at end of day and not be late for pick-up
6 TOTAL

CLOSE TO HOME:
1: No long car ride with commuter-crazy drivers for Peanut
2: Potential of Tim collecting Peanut at end of day if needed -- dependent on finding a location within Tim-walking distance*
2: Accessible even if I’m working from home or have a doc appointment in town; no need to drive to a different state and back first
1: Longer wait but shorter ride home if Peanut gets sick at daycare
2: Closer to doctors and affiliated hospitals
1: Closer to toddling friends and potential playdates
1: No need to change provider should I switch jobs
1: Tim can still use daycare in the rare case I go out of town without the two of them
11 TOTAL

*Random question: I’ve been thinking a daycare needs to be Tim-walk-able for his help in an emergency to even be an option, but I don’t want those two strolling the main roads around our house. In our neck of the woods police officers on routine stops wind up victims of hit and runs... Since we only have the one car, and it’s usually in my possession, would it be worth it to invest in a second car seat base should Tim need to pick-up the Peanut in a Zip car? We could store the base at home, conveniently located across the street from a Zip car location.

Befores and Afters

2008-12-30T10:13:00.017-05:00

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO US!!!

One year...it seems like just yesterday, cliché but true.

December 29, 2007(top) and 2008(bottom):

December 29, 2007(top) and 2008(bottom):

Tim’s reaction to eating year-old cake? "Next time we get married, let’s eat the entire cake that day."

Before he even tasted it...and yet he managed to eat an entire slice.

SUCCESS!!!

2008-12-08T17:43:00.004-05:00

Add these to the inventory to go with the Christening gown: Found at the Gap Outlet for under $10.

Taking Inventory

2008-12-04T13:26:00.007-05:00

So far the Peanut has:
• 3 long-sleeve, front-zip footsies
• 3 caps to match the long-sleeve footsies
• 2 short-sleeve onesies
• 1 hand-knitted, adorable, ruffle-edge cap
• 1 Ruffle Butt with matching swing top
• 2 dresses/jumpers each with matching long-sleeve under-onesies
• 1 pair of tights
• 1 grooming kit
• 1 Milk Mumu brand breastfeeding cover in black swirl
• 1 stuffed bunny rabbit

That’s it. That is a complete list of her worldly possessions. Friends who are less pregnant than me (well, not less pregnant, either you’re pregnant or not, they’re just due later) already have dressers and diapers and such. And it’s a good thing this kiddo is loved by more people than just me, all of these items in her inventory were gifts (including the stuffed rabbit not shown):
Doing the math, that means I’ve only purchased 3 items (a single onesie with “Daddy Rocks!” and baby animals, the Ruffle Butts and the Milk Mumu). Oh wait! And a couple of books – but those are pregnancy books, not infancy books so I don’t know if they really count.

I have been diligently creating a registry at Babies R Us. I’m trying to be very practical about it; living in the Nook means there’s not a lot of space for stuff. I have read check-lists from stores and from books and from on-line blogs of new moms. Do I really need an infant tub (however inexpensive they might be) if I have no place to put it when not in use? Won’t a sink work? Likewise, I’ve ruled out a complete “travel system” stroller set because I can’t fathom getting one of those in and out of the trunk of the Mazda3, however roomy that trunk may be; a Snap and Go frame for the car seat will work just fine, thank you very much.

And speaking of car seats, my diligence continues there, I researched the Baby Bargains book, on-line reviews and websites informing me which car seat fits best in each car before selecting the Chicco KeyFit30 infant seat. Then I selected the gray “cubes” pattern to match our car interior. I have yet to see it in person though; I’m on-line only at this point. I’m a little afraid of actually going to the store to register. Wielding that registry gun with list in hand can be fun and overwhelming and somehow convince you that you cannot possible survive without a diaper-wipes warmer (even if you have no counter/dresser/changing table to put it on and your friends have warned you that a baby used to warm diaper wipes will turn into a monster when you’re out and about and try to use a room-temp-from-the-diaper-bag wipe). Plus that adorable quilt with matching stuffed pig and shelf to put him on would make it feel all so real and would warm your farm-animal-loving husband’s innards…so what if there’s no nursery wall on which to hang the shelves and quilts of reality…

No no no. When living in a Nook practicality is a must. The problem: I’ve never done this before, so I’m trying to be practical in my decisions as best I can. The result: I’m paralyzed from buying anything because I don’t know what I’ll really need. And I don’t want the Nook to become overwhelmed with stuff and begin to look like there’s a family of hoarders in residence.

Conclusion: I haven’t purchased anything and my registry is looking mighty bland with practical white onesies and sheets. Anything fun you may see on it (i.e. Rainforest Jumperoo) was put there when two or more new moms I know gushed over what a great product it was…and now I’m wondering if I should delete it because how big a footprint does that thing have anyway?

Before & After

2008-11-26T10:16:00.009-05:00

The bedroom is painted! The furniture has arrived!!!

And now of course we've managed to come up with at least three more things we “need:”
1) Black-out shades so the bedroom is no longer the BRIGHTEST room in the house (who planned that?),
2) Lamps/lighting to match the new furniture, and
3) Bedding...which is a bit of a dilemma because we sleep under two different sets of blankets/comforters. How does one make one bed with two sides of blankets?

We also need to hang the heavy mirror above the dresser because it did not come with brackets to attach it directly to the dresser. *sigh* So… that's a whole other project!

And then of course we’ll need to do some stuff for the Peanut. [My latest grand idea is to convert the computer nook into a closet/changing area for the Peanut. Stay tuned for more details.]

And now, as promised, I present our bedroom:

BEFORE:

DURING: About the third time I stirred the paint before pouring it into the roller-pan, I realized the best way to describe the color is “Chocolate Milkshake.” It’s just enough to darken the glow of the room somewhat, while not so dark that the room feels smaller…all that and warm, too!
While lounging on the bed, Lucky enjoyed the new paint job before the arrival of the furniture.

AFTER:

In addition to our “needs” there are also “wants:” namely a frame for the oil painting on the dresser (a souvenir from our Paris mini-moon), a second night stand to currently go into storage for that magical day when we have more space, and a small flat screen TV to hang on the wall, because that TV and cable box clearly do NOT belong on that dresser!

I'm Out of Control!

2008-11-07T20:29:00.002-05:00

Are those...Christmas presents in front of my fireplace?!?

Her Ruffle Butts.

2008-10-31T14:47:00.004-04:00

...purchased within hours of learning she was a girl:

As always, click on the pic for a larger view!

Note: They are feminine yet NOT pink. Funny that.

It Is Meant to Be.

2008-10-29T14:50:00.006-04:00

I think I need these:

This assumes I actually work up the courage to have the skirt of my wedding gown made into a Christening gown. After all, red shoes are meant to go with that gown:

This is all inspired by a friend, who's due to give birth on December 29 (hello! my wedding anniversary), recently showing me pics of the red Mary-Jane's she has for her own daughter-on-the-way.

Sugar and Spice...

2008-10-24T14:04:00.009-04:00

The Peanut currently weighs in at 12 ounces, with a heart rate of 158 beats per minute, and measures at 19 weeks, 6 days...

...She is perfect in every way! Bring on the ruffle butts!

Her precious face:

The proof -- you're looking at her tush and the back of her legs, with the arrow pointing to the anatomy in question:

And now the rest, in no particular order at all...

I can feel her move now…and she’s very wiggly today.

She must be tap dancing.

Nursery Furniture

2008-10-17T08:00:00.005-04:00

Okay. Maybe it’s NOT nursery furniture exactly. BUT...the Peanut will be sleeping in our room. Our room that is currently a sad mish-mosh of no real furniture at all.

After much debate (admittedly still on-going), we currently plan to stay put in the condo-nook for the immediate future. But come March I’ll be home from work for 3 months and will spend my days in and about our nook. We concluded it was time to do more with our bedroom than leave the mattress on a metal frame and stack our clothes in the closet. Plus it’s the closest thing to a nursery I’ve got to decorate. And thus, the lovely furniture: ordered from Macy’s during the last hours of the Columbus Day sale on Monday night after a weekend of store-hopping.

We have a month before the furniture arrives. A month in which to empty the bedroom, throw up a fresh coat of paint, and maybe find a lamp or two. On the way home from Macy’s the wheels of my brain immediately started working on which family member I can lure down south to help me paint... And because I know there will be an After, I promise a Before pic coming to this blog soon.

Of course the Peanut will need a sleep-zone all its own; a co-sleeper to attach to our new nickel-plated bed:

Fun Family Facts

2008-10-16T08:00:00.001-04:00

TIM

Zodiac Sign = LEO (The Lion)/VIRGO (The Virgin) – his birthday falls at the very end of Leo
Leo: Generous, proud, theatrical, passionate, sunny, bright, kingly, powerful, loves attention, dramatic, independent, noble, creative, leader. Can be arrogant, bossy, boastful, egotistic, snobbish.
Virgo: Practical, imaginative, creative, efficient, critical, work and service oriented, common sense, modest, health conscious, mentally active, helpful, flexible. Can be pedantic, fussy, over-critical, worrying, over fastidious.

Chinese Year = BOAR
Element Water: Honest, simple, gallant, sturdy, sociable, peace-loving, patient, loyal, hard-working, trusting, sincere, calm, understanding, thoughtful, scrupulous, passionate, intelligent. Can be naive, over-reliant, self-indulgent, gullible, fatalistic, materialistic.

REN

Zodiac Sign = PISCES (The Fishes)
Imaginative, sensitive, compassionate, feeling, idealistic, spiritual, accepting, undiscriminating, creative, mystic, self-sacrificing, artistic. Can be impractical, neglectful, escapist, lazy, distracted.

Chinese Year = OX
Element Water: Dependable, calm, methodical, patient, hardworking, ambitious, conventional, steady, modest, logical, resolute, tenacious. Can be stubborn, narrow-minded, materialistic, rigid, demanding.

PEANUT

Zodiac Sign = PISCES (The Fishes)
Imaginative, sensitive, compassionate, feeling, idealistic, spiritual, accepting, undiscriminating, creative, mystic, self-sacrificing, artistic. Can be impractical, neglectful, escapist, lazy, distracted.

Chinese Year = OX
Element Water: Dependable, calm, methodical, patient, hardworking, ambitious, conventional, steady, modest, logical, resolute, tenacious. Can be stubborn, narrow-minded, materialistic, rigid, demanding.

Poor, poor Tim. Even if the Peanut turns out to be a boy, Tim will still be outnumbered by the Pisces, Ox-Years in this household.

Interesting Observations.

2008-10-14T11:23:00.000-04:00

The hair on my legs is turning blond again. It was blond and soft when I was a kid and turned dark and coarse in my mid-ish teens.

Also, the random dark hairs that need plucking—on my eyebrows, the random two on my arm—are slow-grow these days. Nice.

I was the kid that actually liked broccoli. I always have. Now? I have to choke it down in order to get some greens into me. The Brussels sprouts and peas that I never liked, I still don’t like. But the green beans, asparagus, sugar snap peas and other such veggies have also become a chore. I’ve turned to tricks to get the greens in: steaming is out; butter, cheese, salad dressing and bread crumbs are in.

For the life of me I cannot find a deodorant that I can tolerate the smell of. All my standbys are not working for me (because I can smell them all day long). I currently have four basically full deodorants in my cabinet and not one I would like to use daily.

A common daily phrase at work, directed to me: “How are you feeling?” Each and every time I hear it I have a moment of puzzlement while I try to figure out why they’re asking: I haven’t been out sick recently, I didn’t complain of a headache or anything yesterday, why are you asking me this? Oh right. I’m pregnant.

Results.

2008-09-09T11:38:00.002-04:00

NT screening:
Chances of Down’s 1 in 3858
Chances of other chromosomal abnormalities 1 in 8901

Dr. Grimm says, “Everything looks great!”

Another Day-Early Post.

2008-09-04T13:56:00.002-04:00

Today’s doctor, Dr. Grimm—yes, just like the fairytales—called the Peanut “perfect.” That man knows how to charm the moms, doesn’t he?

The Peanut's heart rate this morning = 164–166. So if those old wives are correct, and if that famous Chinese calendar is correct, and if my gut from the get-go is correct…you may all start thinking female. But I urge you to stay away from thinking pink; I’m currently on a rampage about gender-specific baby items, you probably don’t want to suffer through that lecture from a first-time mom.

However as pregnant lady I reserve my right to fully embrace pink and ruffles (or blue and trucks) at a later date.

PICS PICS PICS!!!

2008-09-02T21:34:00.014-04:00

Tuesday morning's NT Screening revealed an “everything looks normal” baby. The Peanut was wiggly and fidgety and moving all over the place; I’m completely fascinated by that because I can’t feel a smidge of it yet! The Peanut was also a little bit stubborn, as much as it wiggled it never really moved out of it’s position to give the technician more than one view of the nuchal fold that was the all important reason for this scan. After the tech left to get the doc and I got up and did some wiggling of my own (including the jumping jacks Tim suggested) the Peanut finally moved into a new position giving a much needed second view of the nuchal fold.

Clearly the Peanut also didn’t reveal itself as male or female so the gender wait continues. However the heart rate was 155 and the old wives say a heart rate above 140 promises a girl, below 140 delivers a boy…

My favorite two images from yesterday:

Click on a pic for a larger view (as always).

And now the rest (including the ooky face-on images that look all creepy skeletal):

In Ren news, I have a cyst on my right ovary. Again. Same ovary as the grapefruit-sized operation cyst of 4 years ago (was it 4 or 3 years?). Currently it’s less than 3 centimeters and the doc in the room seemed unfazed by it, he even commented it could be the corpus luteum. He said he’ll pass the info onto my OB practice and that watchful waiting is the order of the day. Yay.

Southern Chivalry?

2008-08-29T13:39:00.005-04:00

When I moved from NY to VA I noticed an interesting phenomenon. The men here ALWAYS open doors for me. Or let me on an elevator first. And sometimes even off the Metro first. It’s all very genteel. When I first encountered this it felt awkward to me and I remember thinking I’ve clearly moved south of the Mason Dixon Line. This was not what I was used to in the north (not in college, nor in my Manhattan gallivanting). In all fairness I never did experience corporate life in the north, but even at the grocery store here a man will let me get a cart before he gets his own.

So today in an elevator going out to lunch I was taken aback by a man in a suit who got on after me then positioned himself squarely in front of the doors even though the elevator only contained two passengers, him and me. As he sprinted out of the elevator when we reached the lobby I thought, “How rude!” Clearly I’ve become accustomed to a certain southern chivalry (if you can call NoVA and MD “southern”). Most likely the man was late for an appointment, or eager to go start his Labor Day Weekend, or maybe just really hungry (it was lunchtime).

Or maybe he was just a Northern transplant like me.

Anxious Pregnant Woman = Actress

2008-08-27T09:00:00.022-04:00

The happy return of Long Post Wednesday; pre-scheduled to publish because I’m off gallivanting around Manhattan today!

If you were a coworker of mine paying attention to the fact that I'm refusing all beloved sushi invites, that I didn't drink at the annual Crab Feast, that I've been eating ALL the food on my plate at lunch (instead of the half you used to tease me about) and if you were to take a good look at my gut today …then I’m pretty sure it would be blatantly obvious to you.

Tim and I have begun the debate over the length of my time off for work. We know we’re definitely going with three months at the shortest. I keep saying six months would be preferable and we both agree one year would be ideal (in which case I would most likely quit this job and then look for another on the other side of that year). We can’t figure out which option we will actually go with (a large part of this discussion is tied into the purchasing-a-bigger-space-to-live-in discussion).

Which brings me back to the fact that I think it’s blatantly obvious if you look at me today, but I’m not ready to tell work because I don’t want them to put the undo pressure of a deadline on the time-off discussion—and I know they'll need the answer (sooner rather than later).

So I’m ridiculously anxious. And while I’m at work I’m carrying around bags and papers and stacks of things in front of my belly and standing behind chairs or sitting hunched over like I’m some pregnant actress on a TV show whose character isn’t pregnant.

What? Doesn’t everyone imagine there’s a camera following them around all the time?

In other news: I am scheduled for a Nuchal Translucency Screening Test this coming Tuesday.

The nuchal translucency screening test is among the newest of the many first-trimester screening tests now being offered to pregnant women. The nuchal translucency (NT) screening test — basically a specialized ultrasound — lets you know if you're at an increased risk for having a baby with a chromosomal problem such as Down syndrome. Unlike amniocentesis or chorionic villus sampling (CVS), however, the nuchal translucency test cannot give you a definitive answer as to whether your baby has a genetic abnormality, but rather it gives the statistical likelihood of one. With that information in hand, you and your practitioner can then decide if further (more invasive, but conclusive) testing, such as amnio or CVS, is necessary.

I’d rather avoid the “invasive” testing if at all possible. I’m okay with needles and blood letting—I’m one of those people that actually watch when someone takes my blood or gives me a shot—and yet the idea of the long amnio needle coming at my gut is a tad off-putting even to me. Not to mention the risk, however slight, of miscarriage. On the other hand, at the grand old age of 35, this is a “geriatric pregnancy” and that comes with risks. [The beginning of this type of geriatric-hood is 35 in some books, 40 in others, so I guess it really depends on whose book you’re reading. It just sounds more dramatic to say “it’s a geriatric pregnancy” instead of “I’m 35.” And I’m all about the drama; I think it makes for a more exciting read.] I’m doing the test because I’d like to know what’s coming. I’d like to know if I need to read a different book or two before the kiddo gets here. I’d like to know if I need to find a different kind of day care or if it means I need to stay home for the first year. I'd like to plan for Holland if that's where we're headed.

On a positive note the test is given with a highly sensitive ultrasound machine…and ladies and gentlemen that may mean more baby pics! And I’ve heard rumors that if the kiddo isn’t shy, it may even mean early-but-don’t-count-on-it gender identification! Come on now, how exciting would that be‽ Then Tim and I could jump from larger-space-to-live-in and time-off debates into the much more exciting name debate!

Sadly, early polling shows the campaign for Kiara Renée is a lost cause.

Blubber Squish: Fun to Say, Annoying to Have.

2008-08-22T15:33:00.009-04:00

I’m excited! About blubber squish!

Up until now I had been bemoaning how much weight I let myself gain in the six months between the wedding and the Big Fat Positive on those pregnancy tests. That new weight had positioned itself on my arms, my thighs, my face and, most upsetting to me, as a tube of squishy blubber sitting at hip-bone level. Then I got the BFP and I've been kicking myself because with that news I can't “diet” to fix said squishy blubber tube. (Yes, I’m a Weight Watcher devotee who just used the D word. I’m scandalous like that.)

This Tuesday morning I was once again just out of the shower and staring at the squishy blubber ring in the mirror while regretting its presence. I put my hands on my gut to smoosh it in annoyance AND ...low and behold! There was nothing to really smoosh! The squishy blubber tube has transformed into firm gut bulge!

The scale has been maintaining for the past three weeks yet all of a sudden waist bands no longer sink comfortably into the squishy layer, they dig-in instead. And I'm honestly happy about that. This newly discovered firmness gives me oodles of excitement! I'm not fat, I'm pregnant. There’s a baby in there!

[Short Post Friday remains Short Post Friday today. Sorry, it’s still busy here.]

Brief.

2008-08-20T07:37:00.002-04:00

Two mortgages. A second property owned? That is what is on the brains of our tiny household this week.

And with that Long Post Wednesday and Short Post Friday invert while the busy season of work and the placenta making of my innards suck my enthusiasm to do anything else.

The General.

2008-08-15T11:11:00.007-04:00

You clicked on the picture of the fireplace in the last post to see the one door on/one door off DVD bookcase and noticed the picture above the fireplace, didn’t you?

Yes, that is General Robert E. Lee on Traveller in the center of the painting. Yes, that’s General Longstreet with the binoculars in the foreground. They are at Gettysburg on Seminary ridge, right before Pickett’s charge. (More info then you needed, right?) And, yes, that is a Confederate flag, too.

Yes. I know.

I am living in the Great Commonwealth of Virginia. I am south of the Mason-Dixon Line. My husband is a history buff with a particular interest in war history. Emphasis on war.

Yes, I would prefer a Metal Quilt in place of the general. For now my contribution is an oil painting of Sacré-Coeur purchased in Montmartre propped on the mantel.

No, I do not want to be Vanessa in Juno and relegate all my husband's belongings to one room. But, yes, I look forward to the day we have a den.

We Were Inspired. Or Mortified. (Now with Pictures!)

2008-08-13T20:56:00.023-04:00

The published picture of our computer nook coupled with a visit from my Dad and his wife led to a cleaning “frenzy” (Tim’s description) this past weekend; actually, this past SaturDAY. We just couldn’t take the clutter anymore. Not only had it overtaken the computer nook it was seeping out into every inch of our limited living space. The DVDs alone had outgrown their original home inside the coffee table and were randomly stacked in the computer nook, on the corner book shelf and around (even under) the TV.

So we de-cluttered. We moved unused but unable-to-part-with-items to storage (because when you live in less-than-750-square-feet you also need to rent a storage unit; where else would you put your Christmas decorations, ginormous suitcases and unable-to-part-with-items?). We gave the DVDs a new home all their own on a bookshelf with fancy glass doors. Then we cleaned. And we did it all in one day, thankyouverymuch.

Four days after the frenzy, plus some admittedly very late-night Olympic viewing (why must China be a full 12 hours off our time zone?), I am once again beyond fatigued. Dear Mr. Phelps, could you please win your gazillion gold medals live at 8:00 p.m. EST so that I may get some much needed sleep? Thanks so much for understanding.

And now, a virtual tour of less-than-750-square-feet. Would you like to rent this? We're open to offers...

Yes, that's one door on the DVD-holding bookshelf and one door in the large, flat cardboard box in the corner...it's a work in progress. And I really need some sort of curtains there, don't I?

Note the tile in the entrance-way not indicated on the floor plan previously posted. (As always, click on a picture for a larger view.) It now goes from under the kitchen stove all the way across to the doors of the washer and dryer at the end of the computer nook.

For the bedroom, imagine a square, boxy room with the same paint and molding as the living room (and, for those of you who can make this reference, two windows exactly like Lizi and I had in our bedrooms at Louise Place except these let in an extraordinary amount of light from the Metro station parking lot across the street). Into that put a queen mattress on a metal frame with no fancy bedding. TaDa. It's a pathetic picture that I cannot bring myself to upload.

The computer nook? It’s still a catch-all, but it’s a much happier, much more open catch-all. With a built-in desk-light too.

Finally, on a much sadder note and with a heavy heart I report to you that Mei Xiang, my partner in sleep, is not pregnant this summer.

Zoo staff confirmed today that Mei Xiang will not give birth to a cub this year. They believe that she experienced either a pseudopregnancy or the loss of a developing fetus.

It’s definitely not a Happy time at the National Zoo.

8 weeks, 5 days.

2008-08-08T13:08:00.005-04:00

OH MY GOD! There’s actually a kid in there!!!
Click on the pic and you'll get a larger view!

And the little pixel-sized heart was blinking/beating away. And I cried. And it's officially due the Ides of March and measuring spot-on.

And now Tim wants to name him Julius or Octavian.

Word of the Day: Nook

2008-08-06T17:51:00.018-04:00

The current big debate: where to house this kiddo.

Tim and I currently have less-than-750-square-feet of living space complete with one bedroom, one loosely-termed walk-in closet plus one mini coat closet, and a space on the floor plan labeled “computer nook.” The two of us live right on top of each other and we’ve affectionately labeled the whole thing our Love Nook. It’s a wonder of interpersonal relationships that we haven’t killed each other yet.

Now we’ll be adding a brand new, complete with that fresh infant smell, mini-us to the mix. Where on this floor plan would you put the kiddo?
My initial thought was in a drawer on the floor, old school style. But with such limited square footage I’d be afraid of stepping on the sweat pea. Plus, we don’t currently have a dresser from which to pull a drawer out of. There’s no room for it.

My next idea was to repurpose the computer nook into a baby nook: pull out the built in desk and shelf, hang a long, heavy curtain where a door might go, throw a rug over the tile we had installed, and call it a day. Of course it’s never that easy. Upon further inspection, the desk and shelf are seriously built-in. Like kitchen countertops glued to the wall built in. The computer nook is also located along the wall of the building’s main hallway and that wall is not that far away from a loud-shutting stairwell door. In case that’s not enough noise for little ears, the washer and dryer also live in a closet of their own at the end of the nook.

In an attempt to be honest, here’s the computer nook without moving anything or in any way “staging” the picture.
Clearly we don’t use the desk in our nook as a desk, so happily that’s not an issue. I wouldn’t mind doing the work to reclaim that current storage dead-space as living space. Maybe it would make us feel like we actually have a full 750-square-feet! to live in. But should I bother if I’m already worried about the surrounding noise in the nook? And I don't want to do all that work if we’re only going to move out a couple of months later anyway.

I’m told that before the mini-us is ambulatory the entire Love Nook should serve all three of us just fine. I’m told a crib in the bedroom will more than suffice.

Tim keeps visiting open-houses with more than 750-square-feet. I’m guessing he’s not convinced.

Apparently I'm Not the Only Sleepy One

2008-07-31T16:52:00.012-04:00

Up until noon today, we saw brief periods of pregnancy behaviors. The most significant observations were 12 minutes of nest building involving shredding the log at 8:48 a.m. and two episodes of paw licking, totaling 11 minutes, later in the morning. Mei urinated at 8:45 a.m. and again at 12:04 p.m. The second time, Mei was lying on her back and did not shift, so this sample is not retrievable. She has been asleep since then.

She's peeing. She's sleepy. And they're questioning whether or not she's pregnant‽ She sounds like me.

"She has been asleep since then." I wish I could join her.

I'm Sleepy.

2008-07-30T17:55:00.002-04:00

I had my first doc appointment last Friday. It was very anticlimactic. They took my health history, a urine sample, some blood, and my blood pressure then did a lightening fast, blink and you’d miss it pelvic exam and said, “Yep. You’re pregnant.” Thanks doc. I could have told you that. They did set up a first sonogram for August 8. And THAT is exciting.

I like the practice I’ve chosen. It’s practically around the corner from my house. It’s connected to the hospital I know and trust with a great reputation. It accepts my insurance. It’s in the same network/chain as the practice all my Maryland coworkers swear by. And it has only three OB docs. You see a different doc at each appointment and whoever’s on call the day you need them is the doc that catches the baby. I love that it’s only three docs. I also like the one I met so far; one down, two to go.

In other news I cannot get enough sleep. At all. It seems each week this is getting progressively worse. I keep thinking to myself I need to exercise. It will solve a multitude of issues: weight gain, energy level, weight gain, flabbiness, weight gain. And then I think to myself, exercise? What is this exercise you speak of? Sleep! Sleep is what you need.

I go home from work half-sleep on couch while dinner cooks, eat, perk up long enough for a half hour of TV, fall asleep while watching TV, go to bed. Every day I have every intention of going to do a few laps in the pool (the bag is in the car ready to go), and every day it's all I can do to keep my eyelids open on the drive home; my car just autopilots to my garage instead of the pool.

Not only am I not working out, I'm also eating constantly during the day in an effort to stay awake, gaining weight faster than I know I should (and in uncomfortable places like my thighs and arms) and I'm too tired to care. And I’m using comfort foods to do it: cheese, chocolate, crackers, pasta, ice cream. Sleepiness is killing my self discipline. Or else it’s a really good excuse.

The worst part is I have tremendous guilt and anger at self over the lack of exercise and increasing poundage. Even before the big positive I was gaining weight and clothes were getting tight. Now I have very few clothes left that fit (because I brilliantly gave away any clothes that were too large). I can’t believe how quickly I could disregard the new habits in favor of old ones. I worked so hard to lose the weight. I kept saying my main motivation was my future children. From my own weight loss website:

One of my initial reasons for joining WW was to learn the practical steps needed in order to be healthy. I was looking to my future and my future children. […] I knew I needed to reset my own understanding and approach to food before I could be a positive example for my children.

I have the desire to get back to that frame of mind. In this state of constant exhaustion I just don’t have the energy to do it.

Clap for Me!

2008-07-18T10:24:00.001-04:00

Once upon a time, a few years ago, my entire family was together for an event. It was one of the first events Tim (then just my boyfiend) was attending. My oldest niece (Riley, the red-head) was potty training at the time. We were in a restaurant and she and her mom had gone out. Well, she came running back in, through the restaurant, shouting gleefully "I went poopy in the potty!" All my family immediately cheered and clapped our hands. And poor Tim, who had no experience with toddlers, thought we were all off our rockers! He turned to me and said seriously, "Nobody claps for me when I poop." To this day he and I joke about it.

Lately my system is not on its regular clockwork cycle. So every time I go "poopy in the potty" I get ridiculously excited and I wonder why "nobody claps for me."

The List That Has Always Been.

2008-07-16T18:25:00.003-04:00

Performer.
Urban Professional.
Mother.

This is what I wanted to be when I grew up. I didn’t sit down one day and write this list. It has just always been.

I didn’t even bother to write this list into my very short-lived diary between sixth and seventh grades. In fact, by the sixth grade this list was so much a part of me that it didn’t need documentation. I can’t remember a time before the list. Sure I toyed with the idea of being a doctor—a pediatrician specifically—or a school teacher with fifth or sixth grade students, but even in those careers I envisioned myself somewhere in Manhattan.

To this day I’d give anything to be a performer. Sadly I can’t sing in key to save my life, and my acting is very handsy. Plus my face is unsymmetrical (seriously, the right eye is decidedly smaller than the left) and I’ve got the family nose. I’d also give anything to be the woman in the stylish clothes calling all the shots in a gorgeous Manhattan office, but my timidity and lack of confidence in my ability leave that role squarely in my imagination as well.

When I hit my mid-30s it hit me: two out of three on the list that has always been won’t be. Why my mid-30s? Who knows? Maybe it was because I got married and realized I couldn’t become something when I grew up because I was already grown up. Maybe it was because a tense relationship with a new manager at work eventually led me to stop listing her limits and realize my own as a no-original-ideas/great-mimic designer. Maybe it was because I realized I was running out of time for that third item and I needed to drive all my energies there.

Or maybe I drove all my energies to that third item because I knew there was only ONE remaining.

Tim recently told me he didn’t understand my urgency in getting pregnant: my need to chart and my need to time things just right. He’s a good man; he played along for my sake. But he still doesn’t understand why I couldn’t just sit back and let it happen when it happened. It didn’t feel urgent to me. It felt like I was in command. I was making something on the list come true.

Performer.
Urban Professional.
Mother.

My new concern: I need to find another identity beyond Mother before that’s all I become for the rest of my life. It won’t be fair to the child. It won’t be fair to Tim. It won’t be fair to me.

Magcial Me

2008-07-11T20:15:00.009-04:00

I am magical—in so many ways—but in particular I am the ONE child that did NOT give my mother toxemia/preeclampsia. Thankyouverymuch.

In other news: I just told my Mom that I. AM. PREGNANT! via phone. I was trying to fit a visit with her into our trip to New York this weekend but it wasn't happening. The original purpose of our trip was two-fold, attend my step-bro's 15th birthday party and get in some quieter non-party/event time with Dad. Now of course this trip has a third purpose of telling the immediate family (yay!). So I softened the I'm-not-seeing-you-blow to my Mom with I've-got-a-secret-for-you-no-one-else-knows. She already suspected. She's smart like that. Plus I got unduly upset on the phone last night when I couldn't figure out how to fit in a visit with her...I probably gave it away.

And after I hung up the phone poor Tim had his first sighting of Crazy Irrational Pregnant Woman (CIPW). Tears and all.

Back to preeclampsia. My mom had it first while pregnant with twins, then NOT with magical me, and then had it a second time while pregnant with the Kid sister at an obese BMI. My older sister on the other hand (with a ridiculously low BMI) had HELLP syndrome leading to an emergency c-section I think 6 weeks early (I need to confirm that). So that makes Mom AND big sis. [insert sigh here] Even though it's early for this...

I'm turning on all alert systems for signs of preeclampsia, eclampsia, and/or HELLP syndrome.

News.

2008-07-09T13:24:00.008-04:00

So. I'm guessing there won't be a lot of talk about trying to conceive on this blog after all...

And may I add, HolyRightNipplePinchingPainBatman!!!

TTC vs. Weight Loss

2008-07-01T16:04:00.014-04:00

I've lost a substantial amount of weight through sensible eating and exercise. It took a lot of time and the scale moved down slowly. I only officially weighed-in once a week; but every single day and all day long I had something I could actively do to make it happen: every decision about what I put in my mouth, every muscle movement, and every daily food plan worked toward making it happen. It was a big project in my life. I learned to focus on those things I could control (how often I exercised) instead of that which I couldn’t control (how fast my body chose to shed the weight).

My big project right now is getting knocked up. I no longer have the same control. All I can do is wake up, take my temperature once a day, keep an eye on a woman-specific-something that includes the word “mucus” (Tim doesn’t want to hear about it, so I’ll spare you) and if it’s the right time of my cycle I can pee on an OPK (ovulation predictor kit); until I’m in the fertile zone that’s all I can do. Once I’m in my fertile zone obviously there are other things Tim and I need to do; I’ll spare you those details as well.

Even though taking a temp daily is more frequent than stepping on a scale weekly, there’s still nothing I can do to affect that temp. It feels terribly unproductive. I want to focus on something I can control and I really want it to be something I can control daily. What can I control when waiting to ovulate? What can I control during the great two-week-wait after ovulation? Sure there are unsubstantiated tricks such as green tea and pineapple, but those are not as concrete as something like a weight loss program where there are actual behaviors that make the scale move.

I'm glad I have charting. I like following along with what my body is doing. I love knowing my cycles as well as I do now. Through the process of learning to chart I learned more about the female cycle than I ever knew. I wish someone had pointed me to this years ago. But I've come to realize charting gives me a false feeling of control because all I'm doing is documenting what happens; there's no affecting what happens, just watching and documenting. It makes me acutely aware that I have no control at all.

All I have control over is my own patience... I'm finding that difficult to deal with.

And it frustrates me.

Dear Internet, How patient are you with big life projects? Do you obsess about them daily (as I do) or can you make it happen step-by-step without interrupting your daily routine?

Where I'm At

2008-06-28T13:03:00.054-04:00

So I have this other blog, a professional blog where I archive all the work I produce as an in-house graphic designer of a mid-size regional financial services firm (read: group of 200 accounts in the DC metro area). I know, I know, how odd is that at a cocktail party—“I’m a graphic designer.” “Oh, really? Where do you work?” “For an accounting firm in Maryland.”

Accounting firm. I know what you’re thinking; I thought the same thing when they originally called for the interview. Like you, I also imagined all graphic designers working in hip urban loft spaces full of natural light, wearing black, using Macs, with perfect hair and flawless make-up…. But this accounting firm has a full marketing department and [here comes the elevator speech:] “we’re responsible for all firm communications both in-house and to the public; in my position I’m accountable for making sure the product visually communicates the message through the combination of imagery, font, color and layout.” All on a PC. With fine, thinning hair in a dark cave of an office. And that’s my gig.

I blog the projects from that gig in sort of an on-line portfolio without the editing a traditional portfolio usually receives to highlight only the best of the best. My portfolio-blog includes the great stuff and the not-so-great stuff, but I edit out the crap just in case someone actually stumbles across it. (For that reason it also includes my resume which includes my contact information, and Dear Internet, I’m not ready to share my home address with you, so forgive me for not sharing that link). Anyway, I set aside time each week to “archive” work in my office (read: clean my shelves and put things in organized folders) and archive work on my blog. This means every Friday I reflect back on what I’ve done. It’s lovely. I have a block of time formally set aside in my Outlook calendar. My officemate/good friend (officefriend? goodmate? what do you call that person?) has a regular day off every Friday, so the cave-office is extra peaceful and quiet. And usually there’s no late-Friday or early-Monday deadline looming which means I can focus on the portfolio-blog without guilt. As I’ve recently finished archiving all my projects from the last four and half years onto the portfolio-blog (well, not ALL, but all I care to include), I’ve also found time on Friday to read professional journals, participate in on-line design challenges, and enjoy Photoshop User TV again. All of a sudden I feel so much more engaged in my job. After being admittedly apathetic for the last two (yipes!) years, it’s a fantastic feeling.

All of that got me thinking about this blog. When we were considering our German move I started this blog to keep my family and friends in the know. I envisioned it as a place to share with them what was happening in our lives when we lived an ocean away. But instead I found a place to reflect on what was happening to me (even if it was for only three or four posts). Articulating my thoughts/excitement/nerves in writing helped me understand where I was at. So I’ve come back to it.

I like the idea of setting aside time weekly to reflect on where I’m at—to articulate in writing what’s going on—even if no one else ever reads it. Right now what’s going on includes deciding what to do with less than 800-sq-ft of living space that we own and has devalued so now we can’t sell it to buy a larger home as originally planed, trying to get me knocked up in that lovely mid-30s your-chances-are-statistically-declining-at-an-ALARMING!-rate zone (which will also be fun in less than 800-sq-ft of living space, no?), coming to terms with the fact that I don’t sparkle as a designer without going all Salieri on designers like Deborah Adler (seriously, mediocrity wasn’t on the life-list), and dealing with weight loss or the current lack thereof.

More succinct current list: Home, Baby, Life-Goals, and Weight. Well that just screams mid-30s female, doesn't it‽

We also have a serious wander-lust in this house, so let's just go ahead and add Travel to that list as well.

Right now I’m reflecting on all this while Tim is working (under-protest or at least with a lot of politely held-back cursing) on a Saturday. This will not be a regular quiet time to reflect, so my current objective is to figure out when this weekly-time-to-reflect-and-blog will occur.

And that’s where I’m at.

Dear Internet, Do you blog? When and how frequently? Where are you while you blog (home, work, Sbux)?

Back to the Beginning.

2008-04-07T13:57:00.004-04:00

Germany is officially a Nope. Tim respectfully declined explaining that in the time from the interview to the email he had changed his mindset and re-enrolled in MBA courses. He was honored to be the first considered for the new position but decided to finish the MBA, keeping Europe in mind as a two-year goal.

So. Remember the interview he was on when I was excitedly trying to reach him and was frustrated he wasn’t answering the phone? A new email:

Management would like to extend a tentative job offer, pending verification of appointment eligibility and pre-employment security check, for the position of Financial Analyst…

And so he returns to the office that brought us to NoVA. But no longer as an undefined “intern.” And that is something to be very proud of.

Two Years.

2008-03-30T20:01:00.003-04:00

Grrr...

The MBA will take 30 credits to complete; otherwise known as 4 semesters or, if you prefer, two (2!) years.

I may need to rename my blog.

School.

2008-03-29T11:06:00.003-04:00

In the intervening time between the original phone interview and the recent would-you-like-to email, Tim had decided to complete his MBA. That’s not so easy to do from Germany; that is, attending classes at George Mason would be one hell of a commute.

When we were originally considering the move, Tim was on hiatus from the program thanks to long work hours and over-all pre-wedding stress. So the MBA was just a faint blip on our radar. We had looked at the local-to-our-area-in-Germany universities and the accredited MBA programs there as a possibility for the sometime future.

But last week—before the email—hiatus was cancelled, summer classes were registered for and a new frame of mind was established. [sigh]

The current thought from the male side of the household is that the coming year should be used to complete the MBA and THEN Germany or any location in Europe should be attempted.

The female side of the household is disappointed.

But neither side is done discussing, yet…

Must. Remember. To Breathe.

2008-03-28T13:10:00.000-04:00

OMG! OMG! OMG!

But let me back up a bit. Soon after the very first post of this blog—and let me remind you dear Internet, that was mid-February—Tim noticed that the vacancy announcement for the job we were talking about showed that position as closed. We were both disappointed. Tim was disappointed they seemingly decided against him the VERY DAY he had the phone interview. I was disappointed he and I didn't get to make the decision one way or the other; the closed position made the decision for us. We were both bummed. I had even started practicing my German with my Learn in Your Car on iPod.

I stopped listening to my German.
I stopped thinking about this blog.

Cut to today: My sister and I were catching up this morning on the phone and I briefly mentioned how we had a couple of days where we actually thought we might be moving to Germany. And then this afternoon Tim forwards me this:

Tim,

Hello, I hope that all is going well for you, I know that it has been a while since we spoke and to comment on your statement below, you certainly left a very good impression on [...] and I. I would like to know if you are still interested in coming to Europe? I expected another vacancy in our office but, I of course, couldn't mention it in the interview. I have a potential vacancy for a [...] budget analyst position and would like to know if you be interested?

Please let me know the soonest.

Have a great weekend!

Which brings me back to...

OMG! OMG! OMG!

And... Why can't I get Tim on the phone?!? Oh right, because he's currently interviewing for another position that would include a promotion. And keep us here in Virginia.

So? Should we?

2008-02-16T17:39:00.000-05:00

These are nerve-wracking, wonderful, terrifying, exciting times in our household. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

In the craziness leading up to our December 2007 wedding, Tim asked me if he should apply for a job in Germany. We had always said that living in Europe would be a great adventure, and that if we were ever going to do it this would be the time of our life to give it a go. So rather than make a decision during pre-wedding crazies I replied, "sure—we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it if you get the job."

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. That's exactly what I replied when he asked if he should apply to a job at the Pentagon in the same time frame we were signing the one-year lease on our first apartment in New York. Three months later we were both in Virginia.

I'm starting to think I should be more careful in my use of that phrase.

The wedding crazies passed. And the wedding passed too (the most fun day of our lives so far). And we settled in as newlyweds enjoying the quiet and the lack of obligations after the blizzard of Christmas-time wedding events.

And then Tim got an email from Germany.

A couple emails and a phone call or two later and we’re already passed the hurdle of his phone interview: it went well and he heard those key phrases that make it sound positive, as if a job offer is coming. Unfortunately the you’ll-be-hearing-from-us moment of the interview did not include a time frame. So here we sit in a holding pattern not knowing when we’ll hear back.

And so I repeat… these are nerve-wracking, wonderful, terrifying, exciting times in our household.